NFL: Psychology tells it like it is!

Black football players who reach the top of the NFL possess a rare combination of success in Nature;  superb aggression with awesome skills of sublimation. Saying it in a sociobiology would be “their high Testosterone level matches their mental sublimation skills,” a formula that is required for winning football games at the top of the national league. Here the rational meets the national meets the natural!

But here is the problem. Some marry the wrong women.

A Muslim woman will rarely say no to her husband when he wants sex. She is afraid to say no or she knows that success in football goes well with sexual release. An American women psyche is more complicated. She has to feel “right” about the act. She is ready for sex only when she feels love for her husband, but especially if she feels respected – or wants a baby. The man, on the other hand, feels, “I make 50 million dollars which enables me to marry a beautiful and sexy woman and I am entitled to have sex with her any time I want except when she doesn’t feel good physically.” There you go, psychology tells it like it is!

All psychologists would say that domestic violence has no place in marriage, you bet, but some psychologists would say that feeling love is the solution, respect, right conditions, etc. It’s like saying, “watch the Cialis or Viagra commercials.” I say it is an unrealistic approach with aggressive football players who say, “When I’m hot I’m hot.” The solution here is in the hand of the wife – sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. I assume it can be  simple, a wife of a man who makes 20 million dollars this year should put out more effort in the relationship than a wife of an unemployed bum. Sure, you must resist rape or even a too aggressive approach from your husband football player, but respond positively to a “quick” romance. The solution to this NFL problem is in the verbal behavior of the wife and the husband and not in the mind or either if they want the good life that comes with fame and 50 million bucks!

Why Ray Rice hit his wife?

In most cases of aggression a man physical assault on his woman is a reaction to being refused sex he believes he is “entitled” to, or she is spending too much of “his” money without permission. In the case of successful football players like Ray Rice the number of cases is a bit higher because football is an aggressive profession and successful black football players have more of it in general. I don’t know the circumstances or psychological reasons why Ray Rice hit his woman, but I would like men to tame themselves more and women to avoid triggering the reaction.

Men with a strong libido should be more selective who they marry because most women have a  low libido.  Many divorces happen because of sex and money disagreements, but in most marriages the solution is not a divorce but a life of pretending to be happy (quiet desperation). The husband and the wife settle down to a “soap opera” relationship.  He takes a secret lover and becomes anxious when she snooped around and she becomes depressed from lack of a healthy sex life. Kids are usually born at this low point in the relationship when the parents need something important to share or communicate about, or be a buffer. Psychology calls it indirect relationship or third party relation.

Ray Rice and his wife may choose a good life together if they go for behavioral counseling (1 in 16 do). The goal of BC is to reach a compromise agreement: for him to treat her with love and respect in exchange for better sex and for her to spend his money more wisely, if that is the case here. Behavioral counseling is the simplest counseling there is: behavior is controlled by its consequences, that is it! and if you learn to do it well all negative emotions get deleted from the brain in time.

Gays. bisexuals, heterosexuals, homosexuals, lesbians!

Let’s solve the problem ones for all so people in Arizona and the other 49 states can go back to happy living. Sexual orientation is a personal behavior, not a political identity (Putin is right about that). If you enter a restaurant, sit at a table and start kissing and loving instead of ordering food, the owner of the restaurant has the right to ask you to leave or make you leave regardless of your sexual orientation. You are bad for business. The same thing in the gym, church or school (If you and your partner kiss twice and then eat, no one will ask you to leave, by the way). You see, the reason the Arizona law or the Russian law or God knows what’s the next law would be is upsetting is that most people can’t tell the difference between a behavior and an identity! Schools don’t teach it! Now, schools in Israel do teach it and that is why sexual profiling is prohibited in Israel while not behavioral profiling.

My suggestions to gays or heterosexual groups or couples in America, express most of your love for each other in private (heteros already do) and only a tittle bit in public, and no one will bother with you. The American people are very nice people. The only reason gays are unduly upset in the United States is that they have shifted their sexual behavior to the category of orientation, and then to the category of identity and now to the category of political identity. Gays and lesbians today have turned their acceptable sexual behavior into an unacceptable political behavior. They have created a zero-sum-game where there would eventually have to be a winner and a loser. You all know who will lose – together with a certain personal freedom!

Emotion that kills!

I Don’t know how you feel about the first murder in Genesis and the explanation of it in Psychology, but in both of these profound human expressions jealousy appears to kill, the grand destroyer of the good life. This finding of research certainly reinforces  your desire to have a better life by staying away from making emotional comparisons between you and others – if you are aware of them.  The bad new is that making comparisons between those above you and those below you on any human scale is a sublime mental state and the hardest thing in life to repress its expression, even harder than repressing sexual desire or hiding unhappiness, anything!

Now that I told you the most awesome truth of the relationships trade, the only reason you are not jumping with “Aha!” off your seat screaming “My God,” thank you, Dr. Kinarthy for solving my problem! is that you didn’t get the full impact of this truth on your life. I really want you to get it right because if you do you would know within a short time why a bad thing happen! Example, a woman left her husband after 7 years, no kids. Her best friend said “it’s your 7 years itch, Mary.”  Having read this article, they went out for coffee and dug deeper into the split and found the jealousy (you fill in the rest, who, where, what, when, why, etc.).

Let’s say that half of you got/agreed with what I am saying about jealousy and half of you didn’t. Those that got it and happened to be fired from your job recently or even 5 years ago, now know why! Those divorced recently or even 10 years ago now have the insight, those who hurt someone or were hurt by someone now understand it, jealousy of a person, a race, a religion, a country, a neighbor you deeply dislike, Americans, First Nation people, Jews, Blacks, the wealthy, the titled, and so on,  know now that the culprit for all your resentful feelings in life is jealousy, it’s a cobra with a thousand heads. You can drop all your “theories” that are not “fed” by jealousy. Now you know not only why Cain killed his brother Abel, why almost everyone on earth has been Antisemitic for 2000 years until they got a decent job,  and why psychologists urge you to accept those you see as better off than you and be careful how you help those you perceive as worse off than you (stump guilt out). Kill them or feed them…is that the best you can do? May be personal resourcefulness is better for the future of humanity than death or dependency.  Start teaching in K-12 how to raise your kids without jealousy if you want the human race to succeed.

True Love in Three Stages: Finding a perfect partner.

From the desk of a maverick psychologist:

Stage one is love-making: If you are hot you are hot and if you are not you are not. Boy meets girl. If there is great sexual attraction it will happen. The problem in this stage is the man. The man is “horny”by nature so the woman doesn’t really knows if he is attracted to her as a love-making partner. He knows that she is but she doesn’t know if he is, so she has to keep a secret chart called “initiating, responding and grading” for at least 3 month to find out if he stayed interested (he should keep a chart too, just to make sure that she was not just hot for his bud for a while.). Date and grade the quality of each love-making ( A,B,C, D or F). Let’s say the couple are “sex mates” (A and A is 100% sexually compatible, A and B is 80%, B and A 80%, B and B 70%).

Stage two is mental compatibility: The mind is the slayer of true love (Buddha). Boy lives with girl. If there is a meeting of the minds they will never fight dirty over money, sex, in-laws or kids, never! Fighting dirty means becoming critical of each other’s beliefs or behaviors instead of just agree to disagree and compromise. Couples can feel angry at each other at times but never be hostile, never hit below the belt when they fight, never bring into the fight something new or something from another fight or place. Mind Compatibility is hard to achieve unless you grew up in a home where parents had MC and you learned how to tame your mind and take all perceptions with a grain of salt. Facts speak for themselves. Here is a quick test: Bring the person you are in a relationship with to meet your parent of the opposite sex (outing, dinner?) and grade their interaction (A,B,C,D, or F). Here are a few rules: Genuine opposites attract. Having major mutual interests attract. Falling in love with each other helps. Taking classes together in psychology, workshops, etc. helps. There is no such thing as mind mates but high self-esteem, self-confidence, maturity, good looks, money, careers and personal commitment can ensure at least a B in the mental relationship. If you want an A in your mental relationship with a woman, like I have with my wife, you both have to take psychological compatibility battery of test (cost: about $500).

Stage three is being soul mates: About one in a hundred. Boy meets girl. If they happen to be soul mate they will find in conversations that before they met when one had a good event the other was happy that day and if one had a bad event the other was sad. But, it’s not that simple, for example, if you got married and divorced  before you met your true soul mate, she may recall that she felt pretty bad or something happen to her around the time of your first wedding!  You got a girl friend? Go on a date with her and compare good and bad events that occur to you two before you met, ten out of ten match is perfect, but even half will indicate that you two are soul mates :C

Six reasons women have sex!

Guess why the blogs of this psychologist are becoming popular? You got it, I tell it like it is, no spin, no politically correct bullshit, no sugar-coated half-truths, and no false but popular notions, just the facts, the  “Bhagavad Gita” way!

Here are the six reasons women have sex:

1. A natural instinct: Sex for women is genetically connected with having a baby, and the idea creates a sense of justification.  Woman after child-bearing years are not as receptive to having sex as when they were young and newly wed.

2. Cultural conditioning: A woman tend to be receptive to a suitable man’s sexual advances if she perceive a chance for love.

3. Physical state: Naturally, women  are physically weaker than men, and tend to give in to assertive men who are bigger, stronger, socially skilful and – persistent.

4. Age and the pill: Young women, before marriage or the arrival of kids and responsibilities, seek out friendships and social fun. They tend to send signals to men they find attractive to “exchange sex” for fun, parties, and the possibility of their own sexual orgasm – which frequently doesn’t happen for biological reasons.

5. Power play: Women tend to make themselves available sexually to powerful men, men in authority, wealthy men, politicians, sports figures, movie stars, entertainers, so as to get some of the limelight of attention.

6. Falling in love: Some women are very attracted to men with good sense of humor that make them laugh, and appear to be devoid of an immediate desire for sex. Women hate sexual pressures.

There are many secondary reasons why women have sex, some of them have to do with the erroneous belief that sex will bring happiness, reduce loneliness, promote love, and it’s a form of self-expression. It may as well be so for the educated modern woman  if she is first and foremost responsible for her good life!

Infidelity can be prevented.

C   Infidelity in relationships can be stopped, but the cost to society will be too high. CNN will lose income, people will lose interest in the news, tabloids will sell less, cheaters will get less sex or romance, lawyers will lose the “Cramer Vs. Cramer” clients, estates will go uncontested, the economy will lose 10% of its gross domestic products without domestic problems. Sure, domestic violence will stop too, but are you sure you want that drastic change in society? Even Obama may object to my suggestion.

Hey, I’m not a teen ager on lover’s lane, I’m a serious psychologist, so you better listen, especially if infidelity infests the lives of your friends and relatives. Learn ONE rule, as I have posted it on Facebook this month – learn Contingency Management of Relationships (CMR), that’s it!

I know, you want me to tell you how to apply the rule. The smart ones checked it out on Google, but that wasn’t enough for knowing how to apply it. Well, get serious about relationships and I will tell you a lot more in the next few postings. You see, relationships isn’t a trivia game, it’s the darn serious game of life! Tiger, don’t turn into a sheep either!

Tiger Woods affairs.

You hear the views on tiger Woods affair and you form your own. What I am going to tell you isn’t “a view.” It is an observation by a psychological consultant to the National Enquirer magazine with 30 years experience about relationships. First, Tiger Woods affairs is his painful private matter. There is a lot of pain there to lose his family, his beautiful wife will end in the arms of another man, his children will probably have a step-father, even to know that he caused his loyal royal wife a lot of pain is unsettling to him. Tiger Woods is not a philanderer in a clinical sense. He has a sexual compulsion that would not have materialized had he not being attractive, rich and famous. It is hard for any man to resist when beautiful women throw themselves at you, let alone when they trigger a sleeping compulsion. There are many compulsions in life, but 2 are the most difficult to resist in nature –  sexual for men and food for women. Haven’t you noticed on TV that these are the 2 things paraded the most? Leave TW alone – and go on a diet – if you can? 😦

Dr. Freud on Tiger Wood.

Please leave the greatest golfer that ever lived alone. Dr. Freud said, “A man has much less control over his libido than society believes.” A man has a much stronger ‘penis identity’ than a woman has a ‘veginal identity.’ A soul-searching of Tiger’s background could provide the answer to his behavior. Sometimes, a billion $$$ in the bank, a beautiful wife and adorable kids, is not enough to keep a man faithful. Freud didn’t say “it takes 2 to tango” but I do.