Posts Tagged ‘space’

What to do when your friend does something you don’t like?

May 9, 2016

One of the reasons I became a psychologist besides my desire to make more money than my dad, was my desire to avoid and “fix” difficult situations with family members or friends. I dreaded living a life of quiet desperation as poet Thorough would say. For many years of practicing psychology, counseling and teaching I enjoyed being an island of Joy in a sea of human social discomfort. I brought it up this morning to benefit those of you who want peace. I just dismissed a friend for good!

I will not mention names and I will not describe the problem behavior because the problems are generic and universal, applicable to most situations, let’s us say that you want him/her out of your life. Specifically, What is the best way to behave when that person you befriended and expected fun started to behave in a way that generated resentment in you and conflicting thoughts. The unacceptable behavior “hooked your mind” on it and you did not like or approve it to the point that you want him/her to leave permanently!

  1. Make sure you really don’t want him/her around anymore.
  2. Be polite, assertive and short, say please, and find a neutral sentence, don’t tell your truth!
  3. Great sentences are: “Please leave, it’s time for you to go.” Repeat the sentence if necessary, don’t explain when they ask Why? You may say “It’s my final decision, thank you for going, I wish you the best.” “Please respect my desire for peace.”  ” Thank you for leaving.”  “I insist on having my privacy back. Respect my wishes.”  The things not to do is get physical or critical or explaining, etc. Focus on your need only! Don’t make the other person feel guilty, having less self-esteem, rejected, “it’s time to go” is a great closure. “I need my privacy” is great too. Don’t open up a possibility of staying or returning. Be resolute with your voice, repeat, be on the cool side, not warm, I know, it’s the art of salesperson! “Time to depart,” is good too. I think you got it, don’t drag it on. the worse you can do when they ask Why? is to tell them, they will disagree and react and all hell will get loose…

What is LOVE? The final word.

August 7, 2010

In God’s universe there is the truth and what people say is the truth. Rarely do the two coincide with each other. Truth and belief are like water and oil. They never mix but the oil (belief) is always on top causing blindness in relationships. In life, men die for their beliefs, not for the truth. Knowing all this “stuff,” I should tell you what I believe LOVE is and you’d love it. Well, not this time. I will tell you what is love – the final truth. I know that I won’t attract followers, but those who listen will learn how to love passionately.

When physicists discovered the “big bang” they didn’t know yet if it just happened or it was pre-planned. They turned to the philosophers and were told that the Universe was pre-planned. Professor Albert Einstein said, “God doesn’t play dice with the universe,” meaning that things cannot exist without space to be in. The universe, love, consciousness, life, bodies, minds, souls, spirits, time, pleasure, pain, hunger, everything must have a specific space created for it to exist in, or it won’t happen. The physics concept of “space-time” was born. The Universe has a place. It is not homeless.

Most people live a life of “quiet desperation” searching for true love. They fail to find it because they look for love as a belief within culture or religion, not as a final word experience of truth. I will now tell you what is LOVE, the final word – and hope that I don’t turn you off because it isn’t what you like to hear. Love is an instant passionate spiritual, mental or physical attraction to the first person you see when you grow up that resembles the one whose face you saw every day, who cared for you and got you going in your early life.

God created the space for true love. When you meet a person that resemble the one who raised you, all your thoughts become to give yourself to that person. That is why it is so important to raise kids with love and discipline, and not with physical, mental or spiritual abuse lest they give themselves to abusers later on when they grow up! Sure, God also created the space for “Free will” but that battle is very hard for ordinary folks to win. Just think of  the people who are trying to lose weight, quit smoking, drugs or alcohol.