What to do when your friend does something you don’t like?

One of the reasons I became a psychologist besides my desire to make more money than my dad, was my desire to avoid and “fix” difficult situations with family members or friends. I dreaded living a life of quiet desperation as poet Thorough would say. For many years of practicing psychology, counseling and teaching I enjoyed being an island of Joy in a sea of human social discomfort. I brought it up this morning to benefit those of you who want peace. I just dismissed a friend for good!

I will not mention names and I will not describe the problem behavior because the problems are generic and universal, applicable to most situations, let’s us say that you want him/her out of your life. Specifically, What is the best way to behave when that person you befriended and expected fun started to behave in a way that generated resentment in you and conflicting thoughts. The unacceptable behavior “hooked your mind” on it and you did not like or approve it to the point that you want him/her to leave permanently!

  1. Make sure you really don’t want him/her around anymore.
  2. Be polite, assertive and short, say please, and find a neutral sentence, don’t tell your truth!
  3. Great sentences are: “Please leave, it’s time for you to go.” Repeat the sentence if necessary, don’t explain when they ask Why? You may say “It’s my final decision, thank you for going, I wish you the best.” “Please respect my desire for peace.”  ” Thank you for leaving.”  “I insist on having my privacy back. Respect my wishes.”  The things not to do is get physical or critical or explaining, etc. Focus on your need only! Don’t make the other person feel guilty, having less self-esteem, rejected, “it’s time to go” is a great closure. “I need my privacy” is great too. Don’t open up a possibility of staying or returning. Be resolute with your voice, repeat, be on the cool side, not warm, I know, it’s the art of salesperson! “Time to depart,” is good too. I think you got it, don’t drag it on. the worse you can do when they ask Why? is to tell them, they will disagree and react and all hell will get loose…

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