“I scratche your back, you scratch mine” may save a marriage!

Most marriages in the Western world start in balance. Every 7 years or so an imbalance creeps in, she does more for him than he does for her or he does more for her than she does for him. Arguments ensue, sometimes over trivia, that undermine the love relationship if one aims to win the argument over the other (it’s like saying that my argument is more important to me than you). It leaves resentment, jealousy, hurt feelings, indifference, fear, anxiety and anger, even hostility, etc. Often the couple goes to counseling, which usually doesn’t help but because the “product” is usually expensive someone will pretend that it helped. Sounds familiar?

“I scratch your back and you scratch mine” is an art that behavioral psychologists will push on clients because it works (counselors will say that it doesn’t work), that is if you do it assertive in a pleasant “bartering” way. For example, “How about I will take the trash out and you can rub my back tonight, OK?”  The number and kind of bartering is as numerous as your imagination. If you do it right you add value to the relationship, Tonight, for example, my wife asked me to drive someone home at 10:30 PM. I said, “How about watching a TV movie and being together when I come back at 11:30?” The rationale is that unprotected balance in any relationship becomes terrible imbalance in time. Even your relationship with God. Since He doesn’t barter most people end asking  God to do for them a lot more things that they would ever expect to do for Him – especially listening!

The worse relationship in life is unconditional love. Sooner or later that person get nothing in return. The air we breath freely is a good example. It loves us unconditionally, look what we have done to it. The best relationship is conditional where you get 51% and give 49%! Enjoy and be a little selfish, just a little!


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