Marriage: Primary, secondary and tertiary preventions of divorce.

The majority of couples whose marriage is threatened will use tertiary prevention: They cross the line of no return waiting too long to salvage what they can financially and emotionally. She gets the house, he gets the car, they split the retirement savings. Who gets the kids? It’s a mess. A sizeable minority use secondary prevention: They go to counseling. They don’t cross the line of no return. Most counselors are trained in “classical,” not “Behavioral” intervention. Couples in traditional counseling may or may not get the divorce but one thing is certain – they won’t be as happy as they were at the beginning of the relationship.  A small minority of couples seek out primary prevention: They go to see a “Behavioral coach,” a trained person that goes straight to the point:

Session one: “John and Mary, let’s hear from each one of you for 30 minutes about your commitment and intention to stay together and rekindle your love for each other. I will rate you on a Likert Scale of C and I. We will not only save your marriage if you pass the scale value but we will reverse the trend! You will be happy together.”

Session two: “John and Mary, today I want to hear from each one of you what sexual and romantic behavior you intend to perform this week to please your partner. Start small!”

Session three: “Mary and John, today I want to hear from each one of you what financial behavior you intend to engage in this week that you believe is acceptable to your partner.’ Start small!”

Session four:  “Mary and John, today I want to hear from each one of you how respectful your behavior will be this week toward in-laws, his/her friends, etc.”

Psychological frame-work  for behavioral coaching: Unfortunately, you will need a great behavioral coach that knows the rules that will ensure success (not many do). I can’t list all of them on a blog but here are two important ones. They are different from what you would expect, different a lot from the rules you get in counseling. For example, negative thoughts are allowed to be expressed only in mime, positive thoughts are expressed in behavior. Emotions, negative or positive, can be expressed either way. You must be able to show me in behavior that you know the difference between explaining things and describing them. I will post more of these amazing rules only if the public shows interest in primary prevention of divorce and ensuring a good marriage.

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    Marriage: Primary, secondary and tertiary preventions of divorce. | The Peaceful Revolution

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